I don’t know.
I honestly don’t know how to feel about 2017. It was the kind of year when all of my plans just went straight out of the window. As in walang nasunod sa mga plano ko sa layf. Even though I tried real hard, wala talaga eh! But if there is anything I have realized about it, minsan talaga may iba Syang plano for us. And this is why I don’t know how to feel about the year that had just ended. Because even though all of MY plans went awry, I was still pleasantly surprised by most of His plans for me.
I cannot say that I have learned a lot about myself this year because if I am being honest, I have never been this lost and confused in my life. Halfway through this year I had isolated myself from the world: I deleted my old blogs, deactivated Twitter for a while, deactivated Facebook for months, and retreated to the confines of my room. Yep! I even stopped talking to my family for a while (and I am not proud of that). I didn’t know what was happening to me, I just wanted to distance myself from the people who, both at the same time, knew TOO much about me and knew TOO little about me.
It went on for months.
I was so… I don’t know. I was not exactly feeling sad but I was definitely not happy. I was not really angry. More like annoyed with everything including myself. I was so lost that I didn’t even know what to feel. I only went out of the house when I go to church on Wednesdays and Sundays and when I get job interviews sometimes. I got even more confused with what I was feeling as the days go by. I tried writing down my thoughts in my journal but it felt inadequate. I felt the need to let it out but I wanted to do it without hearing anything from people. I just wanted to find a release. I don’t need advice or judgment. I just want other people to listen (or in this case, read). And so, it was at that time when I started writing more in here. And I have never been more thankful because I have been introduced to such a warm community in here. It was something I never really planned but I guess something led me here.
And my art. I spent so much time last year doing art and surprisingly, the reception of people with what I create is just so wonderful. I made new friends because of my art! When I look back at 2017, I actually just want to think about the amount of artworks I was able to produce because it makes me feel so happy and proud. I never planned on making this much art, making friends because of my art, actually making money through my art and just plainly enjoying making art but I guess something led me here.
It was a totally weird year. And I’m glad that I am finally bidding it goodbye. In the years to come, I’ll probably refer to 2017 as the year that did not make sense because I am not sure if I was on both ends of the extremes or if I was in the grey area. I think I may have been on my lowest of lows but I also had some highest of highs moments. But for the most part I was just really numb.
I don’t know. I really don’t know.
I am so done with you 2017. You are so yesterday.
This is my entry for the Year-End Essay Writing Contest mga beshiewaps! Haha! Cheret! Happy New Year guys! Sorry, mejo all over the place sya. Kayo na po ang bahalang umintindi. Haha!