Why I Had to Quit my Job?

(This has been sitting on my drafts for the past 4 months. Decided to work on it again and post it. This is pretty long. Read at your own risk.)

Edit: Na click ko bigla yung publish at nagpanic ako kasi pinag-iisipan ko pa kung ipopost ko nga ‘to! Pero, yaena! Tadhana na yung nagdecide. Haha.

For the past few months, I have been trying to make my way through this little career break that I have decided to bring myself in. I had officially quitted my job last January 31. I was just originally planning to take a month-long break. You know, just to really clear my head before I try to start with something new. My former job was physically and mentally exhausting. Don’t get me wrong, I loved my job. But let’s be honest here, what kind of job is not stressful? I whined a lot to my family and friends but I really loved my job. I loved serving people and seeing them leave the office satisfied. For a while, I actually even enjoyed facing irate clients and end up gaining their trust by being able to meet their demands. Such a great feeling. I loved being friends with some of the clients and the spontaneity of everything. You would never know what you would experience everyday so it never really got boring. I loved the monthly and quarterly meetings (Honest!) I had some of the world’s loveliest coworkers. I loved working at the site. I loved talking to people at the site. I actually really loved my job.

So why did I quit?

My coworkers and I jokingly talked about quitting ever since our first week on our job. You can’t blame us. Who wouldn’t get startled when it’s just your first day and you already witnessed your coworkers getting yelled at and get insulted to the very core of their being before your very eyes and knowing that that’s what’s in store in your future? But as much as we talked about quitting, deep inside, we all knew that we weren’t really going to do it.

But the jokes of quitting started to become a lot more serious after my first year on my job. It’s weird but things were actually going quite well for us. We were slowly stabilizing and normalizing the amount of complaints we receive. We were hitting targets. We were definitely enjoying our team. We feel like we were getting the groove right. But all of a sudden there had been a drastic change in the organization which deeply affected me and our department. I was now suddenly lost. I didn’t know what to do. And it seemed like the company didn’t know what to do with me also. For months I had been going back and forth to four different areas without a proper job description. They told me they had plans and that I had to wait up. Clear the backjobs left by our dissolved department, assist the other departments in transitioning for they will now take up the job that our department formerly does and to wait until further noticed.

I waited for seven months.

Seven months of feeling useless. Seven months of feeling like a ghost employee. I didn’t like that. I didn’t like that one bit. Whenever we had meetings and we had to introduce ourselves, I felt ridiculous introducing myself every time because I didn’t belong to a team. I could not even explain what I do without earning a few chuckles here and there.

I felt like I was a joke.

Please. I actually talked about it with my boss but yep. I had to wait. They said they have a plan but I had to wait. And I didn’t feel like waiting anymore. I have wasted so much time. I decided to quit.

Just when I have decided to actually send my resignation letter, things took a different turn when I received a call from another department’s head and I was once again deployed to another area. And it’s weird but I liked it. I had two bosses but it was okay. Because it felt like I now belonged to a team. I was actually talking to clients again. I was going to the site again. I was making friends with the people on site. I was joining monthly meetings again and I was actually making weekly reports again. And I liked that. I genuinely liked that. And I thought life was going well. But I guess I thought wrong.

Because as much as I loved the daily grind, the onslaught of insults we receive on a daily basis can really take its toll. Some people can easily get used to it. Some people can actually just shrug it off and not take everything they hear from the clients to heart. I thought I could get used to it. And I actually thought I was getting used to it because I actually lasted for more than a year as a Customer Care Engineer but I guess I didn’t and I couldn’t get used to it. I don’t know what changed. I was used to receiving complaints before. It was an everyday thing. But during my first year of work, everything seemed bearable. Like I could laugh it off after getting this massive degradation from clients. I mean I am an engineer. But I surely didn’t feel like one everytime clients talk me down. But it was bearable. I didn’t know what changed.

Suddenly I was finding myself dreading my everyday life. I was dreading waking up in the morning and getting ready because that would mean having to face irate clients again. I dread walking into the office knowing that clients are just bidding their time to ring my phone and complain. I dread answering my phone when an unknown number comes to the screen because it’s most definitely a client. I dread when the clock strikes 6 in the evening because that meant another day of unfinished commitments and too many houses I was not able to inspect. I dread sleeping because I don’t want it to be morning again.

There would be days when I would wake up and start crying. I realized something was very wrong when one Wednesday, after attending the Novena/Mass in the morning before work, I couldn’t bring myself to go to work. I had thirty minutes before office hours start and I just walked and walked around until I found myself in another church. And then I cried. And then I prayed. More like just really mumbled and complained to God about how I was not liking what I was doing anymore. I was already 30 minutes late for work when I texted my boss and our head that I couldn’t report to work as I was feeling sick. And then I took another long walk and ended up in another church where I cried again. And this time I prayed the rosary. I went home and told my parents that I was feeling sick. I didn’t tell them that I did not actually went to work. I couldn’t tell them I had a breakdown.

That was the first.

The second was worst. I literally cried the moment I woke up. I was crying while I was taking a bath. I was crying while I was getting dressed. I was basically a mess while trying to do my eyebrows when I decided that I couldn’t go to work like that. I would probably just cry in the office. So I decided to be honest with my head explaining to him why I couldn’t go to work albeit thru text. I told him I was a sobbing mess and that I think I was having a breakdown.

Muntanga eh. Pero samang sama ng loob ko nung panahong yan.

I think that was the day that really became the turning point. I decided then that I couldn’t stay anymore. It was not healthy anymore. I thought my episodes during College was bad enough (I cried in the middle of class because of stress, in front of a teacher mind you). But the ones I had experienced because of work was way worse. I would wake up in the middle of the night and I find it hard to breathe because my heart would be pounding so much. I get little panic attacks in the office and I would hide in the restroom until it pass. I have never felt so sorry for myself in my entire life. Like seriously sorry that at that point in time I didn’t mind dying. Not that I wanted to kill myself. I just wanted to feel nothing. Like I wouldn’t mind getting into a car accident or stuff.

Now, I’m onto my seventh month of being unemployed. I’m trying to look for jobs but I guess my work experience was not that valuable to other companies because as they say: “Not Suitable”. Imagine working for two years with all of your heart, giving everything you’ve got, unpaid overtime works (do the extra mile as if I’m not doing that from the start), answering client calls on Sundays or even at 10 in the evening, being threatened by a gun, being told on Christmas time that you are “walang kwentang kausap” ; then you’ll realize it was all for nothing. *sighs*

I don’t know why I’m posting this but it’s the first time that I am actually being honest about the reasons why I left. When friends and family or random “usyusero” asks why I left my job I just always say that it was stressful. Being depressed and getting panic attacks is not something I can easily talk to anyone. I fear judgment. Like my reasons for getting panic attacks were not valid. But for someone who have always been anxious facing people and is always conscious about how other people perceive you, being in my shoes was really hard. But maybe I needed to do this to completely let go. Cause honestly I’m still stuck in the past. And I’m working my way out of it.

Maybe seven is my thing. Maybe I’ll find a job after seven months. The way my waiting before ended at 7 months.

34 thoughts on “Why I Had to Quit my Job?”

  1. Wow, grabe pala ng experience mo sa prev job mo! I can feel your struggles while reading this post. 😢 Pero you made the right decision!! Health is more important than the job. Hopefully you’ll find a much better job soooooon. 💕

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Your situation reminds me of a blogpost of a girl I read a while back. Like she had a great, well-paying (like malaki daw) job in a big company but she was beyond unhappy. So finally she decided to quit then nag decide sya to try a government job. I forgot what it was, she became a diplomat, i think. And now she’s happy na daw at hndi na sya feeling choked sa work. 😊

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Go gurl! Tama, I learned a lot from this actually. I’m still unemployed and usually as a fresh grad yung magkano ang sahod talaga ang focus in mind. Now i’m convinced to really scrutinize first what job to get into 😦

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Siguro isa din yun talaga sa sana pinag isipan ko muna before, masyado akong na pressure because everyone was already getting their first jobs that time kaya nung may tumawag saken ginrab ko agad. Sabi din kasi nila wag daw tatanggihan yung first offer chuchu. Tsaka excited ako eh. First everything. First na inapplyan tanggap agad. Feeling ko it was a good sign, that it was for me. Though honestly, I met really wonderful people from my job who are still my friends now. Kaya I don’t regret it din naman. Sana lang talaga hindi ako masyado kinain nung downsides ng client-based nature nung work. Huhu! And uy, goodluck sa’yo! Fighting!

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    1. Getting there naman na po. Slowly. 😢 Haha. Ang nakakajirits po sa text na yon, nabasa sya nung head ko kinabukasan na kasi nasira yung phone niya. Hirap na hirap ako magcompose nung message tapos di pala niya nabasa. Sinabi lang sa kanya nung isa kong katrabaho na absent ako. Haha.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m so sorry that you’re having difficulty finding a job right now, but I’m really glad you left. That sounds like a super toxic job and that is not good for your health. Too often employees forget that they themselves should be their first priority. If they’re not healthy, both mentally and physically, then they can’t perform the function that the company hired them for. Good job to you for considering the toll that job was taking on your mental health. Getting paid a salary is one thing but totally breaking down and crying and dreading your workday and feeling like absolute shit is another.

    Hang in there. I know what it’s like to feel useless kasi wala ka mahanap na maayos na trabaho. It will come. Hangga’t humihinga ka, hindi pa tapos ang laban! 🙂 Good luck with your job hunt! Sending prayers and good thoughts your way. (And if I hear of a position that could use client care skills like yours, I’ll be sure to pass it along!)

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Sobrang thank you po. It really, really means a lot to read/hear words of encouragement and get support from other people. I know that I have to draw the strength from inside of me pero minsan talaga nakakagaan ng loob when other people actually understands what you’re going through. So thank you po talaga! For the whole thing! 😊😊😊

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  3. Huuuuuuuuuugs!! I’m so proud because at least you finally had the courage to quit your job. And happy ako because you know what your worth is. 🙂 Ganun rin ako dati sa huli kong job kaya ak nag-quit. I never felt appreciated kahit na sobrang hirap at ang dami ko naaambag sa company nila. I was wondering what your boss replied dun sa message mo?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank yuuu! Ang dali para sa iba na sabihin na sumuko agad pero huhu. They don’t know what you’ve been through. And dun sa question mo… actually, di sya nagreply. Haha. Pag pasok ko kinabukasan, ang bati saken ng boss ko (nonverbatim) “Kris, anong nangyari. Ngayon ko lang nabasa text mo. Nasira yung cellphone ko kahapon.” Jirits. Haha. Wala na ko sa mood mag open up sa kanya nung time na yon. Sabi ko nalang na wala lang yon. Sabay smile. Haha. Huhu. Tapos sabi niya hinga lang daw ako. Tapos bigla akong na guilty kasi yung problema ko eh actually problema din niya tapos may anim pa syang engineer na hawak na may kanya-kanya ding problema na pinoproblema din niya. Feeling ko nun wala akong karapatan to complain kasi alam ko kung gano din ka stress yung boss ko. Hahaha.

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  4. Krishel, huhuhuhu. Naramdaman ko yan pero siguro mas kakaiba yung sa iyo, mas masakit siguro yung naexperience mo pero nonetheless, I get you. Ang dami kong episodes ng pagiyak, may mga times pa in public or sa harap ng maraming tao na lalong nakakainis kasi ayaw ko naman talaga maiyak sa harap nila pero hindi ko lang mapigilan. Hayy. Ayoko sana sabihin sayo na “things will get better” kasi kapag nakakarinig ako niyan noon habang wasak na wasak ako, hindi ako naniniwala pero sa totoo lang, magiging okay din yan in time. Magiging okay ka din kung hindi ka pa man okay na okay.

    On a lighter note, pwede ba malaman ano nireply ng boss mo? hahaha kung ako yung boss mo papayagan kita ❤ hehehe

    Dito lang ako for you always!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you po! Hirap ng mababaw ang luha. Pero as much as possible po talaga di ako umiiyak sa harap ng iba. Pag umiyak kasi ako matagal. Eh laging magkakasunod yung kliyente sa opis kaya walang chance magdrama. Haha. Tapos matic itatanong nung officemates kung ok lang ako o kaya sasabihin nila na ok lang yan tapos lalo akong maiiyak. Umay. Haha. Pero twice ako nahuli nung boss ko na naiyak. Haha. Kakahiya.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. matagal din ako umiyak. yung tipong lahat ng problema ko naiyak ko na kahit nagumpisa lang sa simpleng bagay hahaha nung nagcommute ako nung friday umiiyak ako kasi ang tagal nung kasabay ko hahahaha

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  5. I guess kapag talaga dina drag mo na lang ang sarili mo para pumasok e kailangan ng mag isip isip kung kapit pa o bitaw na. I am sure makakahanap ka rin ng work soon. Dumating na rin ako sa point na habang naliligo ako tinanong ko si Lord kung bakit ba kasi hindi na lang ako naging mayaman para di ko na need magtrabaho hahaha! OA pero totoo hehe.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you po 😊 Ang hirap din po kasi talaga bitawan nalang bigla. Kaya nagtagal pa din. Kasi sabi nga po ng iba mas mahirap yung hindi kumikita ng pera. Which is true naman. Haha.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. I can totally relate to your experience. I quit my job also due to it being toxic mentally and physically. Your health is more important. I just got an offer for another job but the pay is significantly less but I will take it and grow from there. This job will mean I can have my work life balance back. Today was my first blog post. Check out my blog, I plan on sharing my journey of this new endeavor. Maybe we can learn from each other’s experience. Good luck you will find a job soon. Even if the pay is lower if you have your life and health back I believe that is non negotiable.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Oh my. Sobrang same situation nung sa previous job ko din. Ang hirap kapag hindi ka na napapasaya ng job mo, no? Minsan kahit malaking pera ang binibigay sayo ng work mo, pag ayaw mo na, ayaw mo na talaga. Tapos nangyari din sakin yung nakaalis na ko ng bahay for work, pero di talaga ako pumasok kasi ayaw ko at hindi ko kaya. Hay. At hanggang ngayon unemployed padin ako. Pero okay lang yan, dumadaan yata talaga ang lahat sa quarter-life crisis. Steady-han lang natin yung faith natin. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Huhu! Grabe no. Mej nakaka move on naman na ko I think. Kaya mejo natatawa nalang ako sa mga naaalala kong takot ko sa pagpasok sa work dati. Yung little traumas ko kasi from work nag “let’s volt in” lahat kaya syang sya na ang takot ko noon. Nakakaloka. Praying for continued mental healing ako sa ngayon. At syempre work. Sana nakahanap na tayo ng work soooooon! Malapit na magpasko! Haha! Hello nga pala! 🤗

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      1. Ako naman sa ngayon parang mejo nakalimutan ko na yung phase ng life ko from my previous job. Haha good thing na din. Sana nga makahanap na tayo! I have bills to pay 😭 hello din pala! I’m Chams haha

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  8. Ah how are you now? Did you find a job?
    I relate so much to your post and your situation! I was about to leave my job today because I feel exactly like you. I got scared and called sick. I do have your brakdowns as well. it is all about feelikg you belong somewhere and that you are useful. I completely understand you.
    I work in sales and my job was great until this summer when half of the company was sold and for this reason we lost our biggest clients. We even do not have buffet at work anymore 😀 I also was ” promoted” to a business developer and looking for new clients. I work alone in an office, all day by myself and companies are constantly rejecting our products. it is so depressing and my bosses are complete assholes blaming me for the lack of sales. I plan on quiting tis month and travelling for a while. Travelling helps 🙂 Good food and fitness as well. This is why I started my own blog here 3 months ago – to focus on the positive.
    Everything will be fine! Work on your health and give to others – helps a lot! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi. I’m good! I have a job now. I actually just started a month ago (it took a while). I’m slowly adjusting from being a bum for so long. Haha. And hey! If it’s really not making you happy anymore, consider leaving your current job and take time to let yourself heal. I’m not saying that you should leave now. Weigh the consequences first, of course. 😊But with asshole bosses like you said you have, I’ll deeply consider leaving. Lol. I mean, let’s be real, stressful job is a lot more bearable if you have a supportive team around you.You don’t need additional stress from people who don’t support you or give you the encouragement you need.
      I found it really hard to find the motivation to find a new job after I resigned because my spirit was so down. It didn’t help that I felt presurred to find another job immediately because of the expectation of family and friends. So I kinda withdrew myself from people in general. I really wanted to just focus on improving my mental well-being first before I throw myself into full job hunting mode. I felt kinda guilty at first but right now, I’m glad I took that break. I needed that.
      I hope everything will work out for you, whatever you decide to do. Fight!

      Liked by 1 person

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